老友记(六人行)第一季剧本 省纸打印版 免费

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Season1
101TheOneWhereMonicaGetsaNewRoommate(ThePilot-TheUncutVersion
[Scene:CentralPerk,Chandler,Joey,Phoebe,andMonicaarethere.]
Monica:There'snothingtotell!He'sjustsomeguyIworkwith!
Joey:C'mon,you'regoingoutwiththeguy!There'sgottabesomethingwrongwithhim!Chandler:AllrightJoey,benice.Sodoeshehaveahump?Ahumpandahairpiece?Phoebe:Wait,doesheeatchalk?(Theyallstare,bemused.
Phoebe:Just,'cause,Idon'twanthertogothroughwhatIwentthroughwithCarl-oh!Monica:Okay,everybodyrelax.Thisisnotevenadate.It'sjusttwopeoplegoingouttodinnerand-just-Ijustwannabemarriedagain!
(Rachelentersinawetweddingdressandstartstosearchtheroom.
Chandler:AndIjustwantamilliondollars!(Heextendshishandhopefully.Monica:Rachel?!
Rachel:OhGodMonicahi!ThankGod!Ijustwenttoyourbuildingandyouweren'tthereandthenthisguywithabighammersaidyoumightbehereandyouare,youare!Waitress:CanIgetyousomecoffee?
Monica:(pointingatRachelDe-caff.(toAllOkay,everybody,thisisRachel,anotherLincolnHighsurvivor.(toRachelThisiseverybody,thisisChandler,andPhoebe,andJoey,and-youremembermybrotherRoss?Rachel:Hi,sure!Ross:Hi.
(TheygotohugbutRoss'sumbrellaopens.Hesitsbackhall.Andhe'sawayalot.
Monica:Joey,stophittingonher!It'sherweddingday!
Joey:What,likethere'saruleorsomething?(ThedoorbuzzersoundsandChandlergetsit.Chandler:Pleasedon'tdothatagain,it'sahorriblesound.
Paul:(overtheintercomIt's,uh,it'sPaul.Monica:OhGod,isit6:30?Buzzhimin!Joey:Who'sPaul?
Ross:PaultheWineGuy,Paul?
Monica:Maybe.Joey:Wait.Your'notarealdate'tonightiswithPaultheWineGuy?Ross:Hefinallyaskedyouout?Monica:Yes!
Chandler:Ooh,thisisaDearDiarymoment.nothavingsex.
Chandler:Soundslikeadatetome.[TimeLapse]
Chandler:Alright,soI'mbackinhighschool,I'mstandinginthemiddleofthecafeteria,andIrealizeIamtotallynaked.
All:Oh,yeah.Hadthatdream.
Chandler:ThenIlookdown,andIrealizethere'saphone...there.Joey:Insteadof...?Chandler:That'sright.Joey:Neverhadthatdream.Phoebe:No.
Chandler:Allofasudden,thephonestartstoring.NowIdon'tknowwhattodo,everybodystartslookingatme.
Monica:Andtheyweren'tlookingatyoubefore?!Chandler:Finally,IfigureI'dbetteranswerit,anditturnsoutit'smymother,whichisvery-veryweird,because-shenevercallsme![TimeLapse,Rosshasentered.]Ross:(mortifiedHi.
Joey:Thisguysayshello,Iwannakillmyself.Monica:Areyouokay,sweetie?
Ross:Ijustfeellikesomeonereacheddownmythroat,grabbedmysmallintestine,pulleditoutofmymouthandtieditaroundmyneck...Chandler:Cookie?
Monica:(explainingtotheothersCarolmovedherstuffouttoday.Joey:Ohh.
Monica:(toRossLetmegetyousomecoffee.Ross:Thanks.
Phoebe:Ooh!Oh!(ShestartstopluckattheairjustinfrontofRoss.
Ross:No,nodon't!Stopcleansingmyaura!No,justleavemyauraalone,okay?Phoebe:Fine!Bemurky!
Ross:I'llbefine,alright?Really,everyone.Ihopeshe'llbeveryhappy.Monica:Noyoudon't.
Ross:NoIdon't,tohellwithher,sheleftme!Joey:Andyouneverknewshewasalesbian...Ross:No!!Okay?!Whydoeseveryonekeepfixatingonthat?Shedidn'tknow,howshouldIknow?
Chandler:SometimesIwishIwasalesbian...(Theyallstareathim.DidIsaythatoutloud?Ross:Itoldmomanddadlastnight,theyseemedtotakeitprettywell.
Monica:Ohreally,sothathystericalphonecallIgotfromawomanatsobbing3:00A.M.,"I'llneverhavegrandchildren,I'llneverhavegrandchildren."waswhat?Awrongnumber?Ross:Sorry.
Joey:AlrightRoss,look.You'refeelingalotofpainrightnow.You'reangry.You'rehurting.CanItellyouwhattheansweris?(Rossgestureshisconsent.
Joey:Stripjoint!C'mon,you'resingle!Havesomehormones!
Ross:Idon'twanttobesingle,okay?Ijust...I
downdefeatedagain.AmomentofsilencefollowsasRachelsitsandtheothersexpecthertoexplain.
Monica:Soyouwannatellusnow,orarewewaitingforfourwetbridesmaids?
Rachel:OhGod...well,itstartedaboutahalfhourbeforethewedding.Iwasintheroomwherewewerekeepingallthepresents,andIwaslookingatthisgravyboat.ThisreallygorgeousLamaugegravyboat.Whenallofasudden-(tothewaitressthatbroughthercoffeeSweet'n'Lo?-IrealizedthatIwasmoreturnedonbythisgravyboatthanbyBarry!AndthenIgotreallyfreakedout,andthat'swhenithitme:howmuchBarrylookslikeMr.PotatoHead.Y'know,Imean,Ialwaysknewlookedfamiliar,but...Anyway,Ijusthadtogetoutofthere,andIstartedwondering'WhyamIdoingthis,andwhoamIdoingthisfor?'.(toMonicaSoanywayIjustdidn'tknowwheretogo,andIknowthatyouandIhavekindadriftedapart,butyou'retheonlypersonIknewwholivedhereinthecity.Monica:Whowasn'tinvitedtothewedding.
Rachel:Ooh,Iwaskindahopingthatwouldn'tbeanissue...[Scene:Monica'sApartment,everyoneisthereandwatchingaSpanishSoaponTVandaretryingtofigureoutwhatisgoingon.]
Monica:NowI'mguessingthatheboughtherthebigpipeorgan,andshe'sreallynothappyaboutit.
Chandler:(imitatingthecharactersTunaoreggsalad?Decide!
Ross:(inadeepvoiceI'llhavewhateverChristineishaving.
Rachel:(onphoneDaddy,Ijust...Ican'tmarryhim!I'msorry.Ijustdon'tlovehim.Well,itmatterstome!(ThesceneonTVhaschangedtoshowtwowomen,oneisholdingherhair.
Phoebe:IfIletgoofmyhair,myheadwillfalloff.Chandler:(reTVOoh,sheshouldnotbewearingthosepants.Joey:Isaypushherdownthestairs.Phoebe,Ross,Chandler,andJoey:Pushherdownthestairs!Pushherdownthestairs!Pushherdownthestairs!(Sheispusheddownthestairsandeveryonecheers.Rachel:C'monDaddy,listentome!It'slike,it'slike,allofmylife,everyonehasalwaystoldme,'You'reashoe!You'reashoe,you'reashoe,you'reashoe!'.AndtodayIjuststoppedandIsaid,'WhatifIdon'twannabeashoe?WhatifIwannabea-apurse,y'know?Ora-orahat!No,I'mnotsayingIwantyoutobuymeahat,I'msayingIamaha-It'sametaphor,Daddy!
Ross:Youcanseewherehe'dhavetrouble.
Rachel:LookDaddy,it'smylife.WellmaybeI'lljuststayherewithMonica.
Monica:Well,Iguesswe'veestablishedwho'sstayingherewithMonica...
Rachel:Well,maybethat'smydecision.Well,maybeIdon'tneedyourmoney.Wait!!Wait,Isaidmaybe!![TimeLapse,Rachelisbreatingintoapaperbag.]Monica:Justbreathe,breathe..that'sit.Justtrytothinkofnicecalmthings...Phoebe:(singsRaindropsonrosesandrabbitsandkittens,(RachelandMonicaturntolookather.bluebellsandsleighbellsand-somethingwithmittens...Lalalala...somethingandnoodleswithstring.Theseareafew...
Rachel:I'mallbetternow.
Phoebe:(grinsandwalkstothekitchenandsaystoChandlerandJoey.Ihelped!
Monica:Okay,look,thisisprobablyforthebest,y'know?Independence.Takingcontrolofyourlife.Thewhole,'hat'thing.
Joey:(comfortingherAndhey,youneedanything,youcanalwayscometoJoey.MeandChandlerliveacrossthe
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Monica:Rach,wait,Icancancel...Rachel:Please,no,go,that'dbefine!
Monica:(toRossAre,areyouokay?Imean,doyouwantmetostay?
Ross:(chokedvoiceThat'dbegood...Monica:(horrifiedReally?
Ross:(normalvoiceNo,goon!It'sPaultheWineGuy!Phoebe:Whatdoesthatmean?Doeshesellit,drinkit,orjustcomplainalot?(Chandlerdoesn'tknow.(There'saknockonthedoorandit'sPaul.
Monica:Hi,comein!Paul,thisis..(Theyarealllinedupnexttothedoor....everybody,everybody,thisisPaul.
All:Hey!Paul!Hi!TheWineGuy!Hey!
Chandler:I'msorry,Ididn'tcatchyourname.Paul,wasit?
Monica:Okay,umm-umm,I'lljust--I'llberightback,Ijustgottagoah,goah...Ross:Awandering?
Monica:Change!Okay,sitdown.(ShowsPaulinTwoseconds.
Phoebe:Ooh,Ijustpulledoutfoureyelashes.Thatcan'tbegood.
(Monicagoestochange.Joey:Hey,Paul!Paul:Yeah?
Joey:Here'salittletip,shereallylikesitwhenyourubherneckinthesamespotoverandoverandoveragainuntilitstartstogetalittlered.
Monica:(yellingfromthebedroomShutup,Joey!Ross:SoRachel,what'reyou,uh...what'reyouuptotonight?
Rachel:Well,IwaskindasupposedtobeheadedforArubaonmyhoneymoon,sonothing!
Ross:Right,you'renotevengettingyourhoneymoon,God..No,no,although,Aruba,thistimeofyear...talkaboutyour-(thinks-biglizards...Anyway,ifyoudon'tfeellikebeingalonetonight,JoeyandChandlerarecomingovertohelpmeputtogethermynewfurniture.Chandler:(deadpanYes,andwe'reveryexcitedaboutit.
Rachel:Wellactuallythanks,butIthinkI'mjustgonnahangoutheretonight.It'sbeenkindaalongday.Ross:Okay,sure.
Joey:HeyPheebs,youwannahelp?
Phoebe:Oh,IwishIcould,butIdon'twantto.CommercialBreak
[Scene:TheSubway,Phoebeissingingforchange.]Phoebe:(singingLoveissweetassummershowers,loveisawondrousworkofart,butyourloveohyourlove,yourlove...islikeagiantpigeon...crappingonmyheart.La-la-la-la-la-(someguygiveshersomechangeandtothatguyThankyou.(singsLa-la-la-la...ohhh!
[Scene:Ross'sApartment,theguysarethereassemblingfurniture.]
Ross:(squattingandreadingtheinstructionsI'msupposedtoattachabracketythingtothesidethings,usingabunchoftheselittlewormguys.Ihavenobracketything,Iseenowhimguyswhatsoeverand-Icannotfeelmylegs.
(JoeyandChandlerarefinishingassemblingthebookcase.

Season1
Joey:I'mthinkingwe'vegotabookcasehere.Chandler:It'sabeautifulthing.
Joey:(pickingupaleftoverpartWhat'sthis?Chandler:Iwouldhavetosaythatisan'L'-shapedbracket.Joey:Whichgoeswhere?Chandler:Ihavenoidea.
(JoeychecksthatRossisnotlookinganddumpsitinaplant.
Joey:Donewiththebookcase!Chandler:Allfinished!
Ross:(clutchingabeercanandsniffingThiswasCarol'sfavoritebeer.Shealwaysdrankitoutofthespoon!
Ross:Ihonestlydon'tknowifI'mhungryorhorny.Chandler:Stayoutofmyfreezer![Scene:ARestaurant,MonicaandPaularestilleating.]
Paul:Eversinceshewalkedoutonme,I,uh...
Monica:What?.....What,youwannaspellitoutwithnoodles?
Paul:No,it's,it'smoreofafifthdatekindarevelation.Monica:Oh,sothereisgonnabeafifthdate?Paul:Isn'tthere?
Monica:Yeah...yeah,Ithinkthereis.-Whatwereyougonnasay?
Paul:Well,ever-ev-...eversincesheleftme,um,Ihaven'tMonica:Shutup,andputmytableback.All:Okayyy!(Theydoso.
Chandler:Allright,kids,Igottagettowork.IfIdon'tinputthosenumbers,...itdoesn'tmakemuchofadifference...
Rachel:So,like,youguysallhavejobs?
Monica:Yeah,weallhavejobs.See,that'showwebuystuff.
Joey:Yeah,I'manactor.
Rachel:Wow!WouldIhaveseenyouinanything?Joey:Idoubtit.Mostlyregionalwork.
Monica:Ohwait,wait,unlessyouhappenedtocatchtheReruns'productionofPinocchio,atthelittletheatercan,Ishouldhaveknown.
Joey:Hey-hey-hey-hey,ifyou'regonnastartwiththatstuffwe'reouttahere.
Chandler:Yes,pleasedon'tspoilallthisfun.Joey:Ross,letmeaskyouaquestion.Shegotthefurniture,thestereo,thegoodTV-whatdidyouget?
Ross:Youguys.Chandler:Oh,God.Joey:Yougotscrewed.Chandler:OhmyGod!
[Scene:ARestaurant,MonicaandPaulareeating.]Monica:OhmyGod!
Paul:Iknow,Iknow,I'msuchanidiot.IguessIshouldhavecaughtonwhenshestartedgoingtothedentistfourandfivetimesaweek.Imean,howcleancanteethget?
Monica:Mybrother'sgoingthroughthatrightnow,he'ssuchamess.Howdidyougetthroughit?Paul:Well,youmighttryaccidentallybreakingsomethingvaluableofhers,sayher-Monica:-leg?
Paul:(laughingThat'soneway!Me,I-Iwentforthewatch.
Monica:Youactuallybrokeherwatch?Wow!TheworstthingIeverdidwas,I-Ishreddedbyboyfriend'sfavoritebathtowel.Paul:Ooh,steerclearofyou.
Monica:That'sright.[Scene:Monica'sApartment,Rachelistalkingonthephoneandpacing.]Rachel:Barry,I'msorry...Iamsosorry...IknowyouprobablythinkthatthisisallaboutwhatIsaidtheotherdayaboutyoumakinglovewithyoursockson,butitisn't...itisn't,it'saboutme,andIju-(Shestopstalkinganddialsthephone.Hi,machinecutmeoffagain...anyway...look,look,IknowthatsomegirlisgoingtobeincrediblyluckytobecomeMrs.BarryFinkel,butitisn'tme,it'snotme.AndnotthatIhaveanyideawhomeisrightnow,butyoujusthavetogivemeachancetoo...(Themachingcutsheroffagainandsheredials.[Scene:Ross'sApartment;RossispacingwhileJoeyandChandlerareworkingonsomemorefurniture.]
Ross:I'mdivorced!I'monly26andI'mdivorced!Joey:Shutup!
Chandler:Youmuststop!(Chandlerhitswhatheisworkingonwithahammeranditcollapses.Ross:Thatonlytookmeanhour.
Chandler:Look,Ross,yougottaunderstand,betweenuswehaven'thadarelationshipthathaslastedlongerthanaMento.You,howeverhavehadtheloveofawomanforfouryears.Fouryearsofclosenessandsharingattheendofwhichsherippedyourheartout,andthatiswhywedon'tdoit!Idon'tthinkthatwasmypoint!
Ross:Youknowwhatthescariestpartis?Whatifthere'sonlyonewomanforeverybody,y'know?Imeanwhatifyougetonewoman-andthat'sit?Unfortunatelyinmycase,therewasonlyonewoman-forher...
Joey:Whatareyoutalkingabout?'Onewoman'?That'slikesayingthere'sonlyoneflavoroficecreamforyou.Lemmetellyousomething,Ross.There'slotsofflavorsoutthere.There'sRockyRoad,andCookieDough,andBing!CherryVanilla.Youcouldget'emwithJimmies,ornuts,orwhippedcream!Thisisthebestthingthateverhappenedtoyou!Yougotmarried,youwere,like,what,eight?Welcomebacktotheworld!Graba
beenableto,uh,perform.(Monicatakesasipofherdrink....Sexually.
Monica:(spittingoutherdrinkinshockOhGod,ohGod,Iamsorry...Iamsosorry...Paul:It'sokay...
Monica:Iknowbeingspitonisprobablynotwhatyouneedrightnow.Um...howlong?Paul:Twoyears.
Monica:Wow!I'm-I'm-I'mgladyousmashedherwatch!Paul:Soyoustillthinkyou,um...mightwantthatfifthdate?
Monica:(pause...Yeah.Yeah,Ido.
[Scene:Monica'sApartment,RacheliswatchingJoanneLovesChaci.]
PriestonTV:WearegatheredheretodaytojoinJoanneLouiseCunninghamandCharles,Chachi-Chachi-Chachi,Arcolaintheboundofholymatrimony.
Rachel:Oh...see...butJoannelovedChachi!That'sthedifference!
[Scene:Ross'sApartment,they'reallsittingaroundandtalking.]
Ross:(scornfulGrabaspoon.Doyouknowhowlongit'sbeensinceI'vegrabbedaspoon?Dothewords'Billy,don'tbeahero'meananythingtoyou?
Joey:Greatstory!But,Iuh,Igottago,IgotadatewithAndrea--Angela--Andrea...Ohman,(lookstoChandlerChandler:Angela'sthescreamer,Andreahascats.Joey:Right.Thanks.It'sJune.I'mouttahere.(Exits.Ross:Y'know,here'sthething.EvenifIcouldgetittogetherenoughto-toaskawomanout,...whoamIgonnaask?(Hegazesoutofthewindow.[CuttoRachelstaringoutofherwindow.]CommercialBreak
[Scene:Monica'sApartment,RachelismakingcoffeeforJoeyandChandler.]
Rachel:Isn'tthisamazing?Imean,Ihavenevermadecoffeebeforeinmyentirelife.Chandler:Thatisamazing.Joey:Congratulations.
Rachel:Y'know,IfigureifIcanmakecoffee,thereisn'tanythingIcan'tdo.
Chandler:IfcaninvadePoland,thereisn'tanythingIcan'tdo.
Joey:Listen,whileyou'reonaroll,ifyoufeellikeyougottamakelikeaWesternomeletorsomething...(JoeyandChandlertastethecoffee,grimace,andpouritintoaplantpot.AlthoughactuallyI'mreallynotthathungry...Monica:(entering,toherselfOhgood,LennyandSquigyarehere.
All:Morning.Goodmorning.
Paul:(enteringfromMonica'sroomMorning.Joey:Morning,Paul.Rachel:Hello,Paul.Chandler:Hi,Paul,isit?
(MonicaandPaulwalktothedoorandtalkinalowvoicesotheotherscan'thear.TheothersmoveMonica'stableclosertothedoorsothattheycan.Paul:Thankyou!Thankyousomuch!Monica:Stop!
Paul:No,I'mtellingyoulastnightwaslikeumm,allmybirthdays,bothgraduations,plusthebarnraisingsceneinWitness.
Monica:We'lltalklater.
Paul:Yeah.(TheykissThankyou.(Exits
Joey:Thatwasn'tarealdate?!Whatthehelldoyoudoonarealdate?
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inthepark.
Joey:Look,itwasajoballright?
Chandler:'Look,Gippetto,I'marealliveboy.'Joey:Iwillnottakethisabuse.(Walkstothedoorandopensittoleave.
Chandler:You'reright,I'msorry.(Burstintosonganddancesoutofthedoor."OnceIwasawoodenboy,alittlewoodenboy..."
Joey:Youshouldbothknow,thathe'sadeadman.Oh,Chandler?(StartsafterChandler.Monica:Sohowyoudoingtoday?Didyousleepokay?TalktoBarry?Ican'tstopsmiling.
Rachel:Icanseethat.Youlooklikeyousleptwithahangerinyourmouth.
Monica:Iknow,he'sjustso,so...DoyourememberyouandTonyDeMarco?Rachel:Oh,yeah.
Monica:Well,it'slikethat.Withfeelings.Rachel:Ohwow.Areyouintrouble.Monica:Bigtime!
Rachel:Wantaweddingdress?Hardlyused.Monica:Ithinkwearegettingalittleaheadofselveshere.Okay.Okay.Iamjustgoingtogetup,gotoworkandnotthinkabouthimallday.OrelseI'mjustgonnagetupandgotowork.
Rachel:Oh,look,wishmeluck!Monica:Whatfor?
Rachel:I'mgonnagogetoneofthose(Thinksjobthings.(Monicaexits.
[Scene:Iridium,MonicaisworkingasFrannieenters.]Frannie:Hey,Monica!
Monica:HeyFrannie,welcomeback!HowwasFlorida?
Frannie:Youhadsex,didn'tyou?Monica:Howdoyoudothat?
Frannie:Oh,Ihateyou,I'mpushingmyAuntRozthroughParrotJungleandyou'rehavingsex!So?Who?
Monica:YouknowPaul?
Frannie:PaultheWineGuy?Ohyeah,IknowPaul.Monica:YoumeanyouknowPaullikeIknowPaul?Frannie:Areyoukidding?ItakecreditforPaul.Y'knowbeforeme,therewasnosnapinhisturtlefortwoyears.
[Scene:CentralPerk,everyonebutRachelisthere.]Joey:(sittingonthearmofthecouchOfcourseitwasaline!
Monica:Why?!Why?Why,whywouldanybodydosomethinglikethat?
Ross:Iassumewe'relookingforananswermoresophisticatedthan'togetyouintobed'.Monica:Ihatemen!Ihatemen!
Phoebe:Ohno,don'thate,youdon'twanttoputthatoutintotheuniverse.
Monica:Isitme?IsitlikeIhavesomesortofbeaconthatonlydogsandmenwithsevereemotionalproblemscanhear?
Phoebe:Allright,c'mere,gimmeyourfeet.(Shestartsmassagingthem.
Monica:Ijustthoughthewasnice,y'know?Joey:(burstsoutlaughingagainIcan'tbelieveyoudidn'tknowitwasaline!
(MonicapusheshimoffofthesofaasRachelenterswithashoppingbag.Rachel:Guesswhat?

Season1
Ross:Yougotajob?
Rachel:Areyoukidding?I'mtrainedfornothing!Iwaslaughedoutoftwelveinterviewstoday.Chandler:Andyetyou'resurprisinglyupbeat.Rachel:YouwouldbetooifyoufoundJohnandDavidbootsonsale,fiftypercentoff!Chandler:Oh,howwellyouknowme...Rachel:They'remynew'Idon'tneedajob,Idon'tneedmyparents,I'vegotgreatboots'boots!Monica:How'dyoupayforthem?Rachel:Uh,creditcard.Monica:Andwhopaysforthat?Rachel:Um...my...father.
Ross:Nonono,go-
Rachel:No,youhaveit,really,Idon'twantit-Ross:Splitit?Rachel:Okay.
Ross:Okay.(Theysplitit.Youknowyouprobablydidn'tknowthis,butbackinhighschool,Ihada,um,majorcrushonyou.
Rachel:Iknew.
Ross:Youdid!Oh....IalwaysfiguredyoujustthoughtIwasMonica'sgeekyolderbrother.Rachel:Idid.
Ross:Oh.Listen,doyouthink-andtrynottoletmyintensevulnerabilitybecomeanykindofafactorhere-butdoyou[Scene:MuseumofPrehistoricHistory,Rossandaco-worker(Marshaaresettingupanexhibitwhichincludessomemannequinsofcavepeople.]
Ross:No,it'sgood,itisgood,it'sjustthat-mm-doesn'tsheseemalittleangry?Marsha:Well,shehasissues.Ross:Doesshe.
Marsha:He'soutbangingotherwomenovertheheadwithaclub,whileshesitsathometryingtogetthemastodonsmelloutofthecarpet!
Ross:Marsha,thesearecavepeople.Okay?Theyhaveissueslike'Gee,thatglacier'sgettingkindaclose.'See?
Marsha:Speakingofissues,isn'tthatyourex-wife?[Scene:MonicaandRachel's,everyoneissittingaroundthekitchentable.Rachel'screditcardsarespreadoutonthetablealongwithapairofscissors.]
Rachel:OhGod,comeonyouguys,isthisreallynecessary?Imean,IcanstopcharginganytimeIwant.
Monica:C'mon,youcan'tliveoffyourparentsyourwholelife.
Rachel:Iknowthat.That'swhyIwasgettingmarried.
Phoebe:Giveherabreak,it'shardbeingonyourownforthefirsttime.Rachel:Thankyou.
Phoebe:You'rewelcome.IrememberwhenIfirstcametothiscity.Iwasfourteen.Mymomhadjustkilledherselfandmystep-dadwasbackinprison,andIgothere,andIdidn'tknowanybody.AndIendeduplivingwiththisalbinoguywhowas,like,cleaningwindshieldsoutsideportauthority,andthenhekilledhimself,andthenIfoundaromatherapy.Sobelieveme,Iknowexactlyhowyoufeel.(Pause
Ross:Thewordyou'relookingforis'Anyway'...Monica:Allright,youready?
Rachel:No.No,no,I'mnotready!HowcanIbeready?"Hey,Rach!Youreadytojumpouttheairplanewithoutyourparachute?"Comeon,Ican'tdothis!
Monica:Youcan,Iknowyoucan!Rachel:Idon'tthinkso.
Ross:Comeon,youmadecoffee!Youcandoanything!(ChandlerslowlytriestohidethenowdeadplantfromthatmorningwhenheandJoeypouredtheircoffeeintoit.Ross:C'mon,cut.Cut,cut,cut,...
All:Cut,cut,cut,cut,cut,cut,cut...(Shecutsoneofthemandtheycheer.
Rachel:Y'knowwhat?Ithinkwecanjustleaveitatthat.It'skindalikeasymbolicgesture...Monica:Rachel!Thatwasalibrarycard!All:Cut,cut,cut,cut,cut,cut,cut..
Chandler:(asRacheliscuttinguphercardsY'know,ifyoulistenclosely,youcanhearathousandretailersscream.
(Shefinishescuttingthemupandtheyallcheer.Monica:Welcometotherealworld!Itsucks.You'regonnaloveit!
[TimeLapse,RachelandRossarewatchingaTVchannelfinishesit'sbroadcastdaybyplayingthenationalanthem.]
Monica:Well,that'sit(ToRossYougonnacrashonthecouch?
Ross:No.No,Igottagohomesometime.Monica:Youbeokay?Ross:Yeah.
Rachel:HeyMon,lookwhatIjustfoundonthefloor.(Monicasmiles.What?
Monica:That'sPaul'swatch.Youjustputitbackwhereyoufoundit.Ohboy.Alright.Goodnight,everybody.
RossandRachel:Goodnight.
(MonicastompsonPaul'swatchandgoesintoherroom.
Ross:Mmm.(TheybothreachforthelastcookieOh,no-Rachel:Sorry-
thinkitwouldbeokayifIaskedyouout?Sometime?Maybe?
Rachel:Yeah,maybe...
Ross:Okay...okay,maybeIwill...Rachel:Goodnight.Ross:Goodnight.
(RachelgoesintoherroomandMonicaentersthelivingroomasRossisleaving.
Monica:Seeya....Waitwait,what'swithyou?
Ross:Ijustgrabbedaspoon.(RossexitsandMonicahasnoideawhatthatmeans.ClosingCredits
[Scene:CentralPerk,everyoneisthere.]Joey:Ican'tbelievewhatI'mhearinghere.
Phoebe:(singsIcan'tbelievewhatI'mhearinghere...Monica:What?I-Isaidyouhada-Phoebe:(singsWhatIsaidyouhad...Monica:(toPhoebeWouldyoustop?Phoebe:Oh,wasIdoingitagain?All:Yes!
Monica:Isaidthatyouhadanicebutt,it'sjustnotagreatbutt.
Joey:Oh,youwouldn'tknowagreatbuttifitcameupandbitya.
Ross:There'sanimage.
Rachel:(walksupwithapotofcoffeeWouldanybodylikemorecoffee?
Chandler:Didyoumakeit,orareyoujustservingit?Rachel:I'mjustservingit.
All:Yeah.Yeah,I'llhaveacupofcoffee.
Chandler:Kids,newdream...I'minLasVegas.(RachelsitsdowntohearChandler'sdream.
Customer:(ToRachelAhh,miss?Morecoffee?Rachel:Ugh.(Toanothercustomerthat'sleaving.Excuseme,couldyougivethistothatguyoverthere?(Handshimthecoffeepot.Goahead.(Hedoesso.Thankyou.(Tothegang.Sorry.Okay,LasVegas.
Chandler:Okay,so,I'minLasVegas...I'mLizaMinelli-End

102TheOneWiththeSonogramattheEnd[SceneCentralPerk,everyone'sthere.]
Monica:Whatyouguysdon'tunderstandis,forus,kissingisasimportantasanypartofit.Joey:Yeah,right!.......Y'serious?Phoebe:Oh,yeah!
Rachel:Everythingyouneedtoknowisinthatfirstkiss.Monica:Absolutely.
Chandler:Yeah,Ithinkforus,kissingisprettymuchlikeanopeningact,y'know?Imeanit'slikethestand-upcomedianyouhavetositthroughbeforePinkFloydcomesout.
Ross:Yeah,and-andit'snotthatwedon'tlikethecomedian,it'sthat-that...that'snotwhyweboughttheticket.
Chandler:Theproblemis,though,aftertheconcert'sover,nomatterhowgreattheshowwas,yougirlsarealwayslookingforthecomedianagain,y'know?Imean,we'reinthecar,we'refightingtraffic...basicallyjusttryingtostayawake.
Rachel:Yeah,well,wordofadvice:Bringbackthecomedian.Otherwisenexttimeyou'regonnafindyourselfsittingathome,listeningtothatalbumalone.Joey:(pause....Arewestilltalkingaboutsex?OpeningCredits
3of56Pages
(Carol,Ross'sex-wife,hasenteredbehindthemandisstandingoutstidetheexhibit.Ross:(tryingtoignoreherNo.No.Marsha:Yes,itis.Carol!Hi!
Ross:Okay,okay,yes,itis.(wavesHowaboutI'll,uh,catchupwithyouintheIceAge.
(MarshaextisandRosswavesCarolintotheexhibit.Ross:Hi.Carol:So.
Ross:Youlookgreat.I,uh...Ihatethat.Carol:Sorry.Youlookgoodtoo.
Ross:Ah,well,inhere,anyonewho...standserect...Sowhat'snew?Still,uh...Carol:Alesbian?
Ross:Well...youneverknow.How's,um..how'sthefamily?
Carol:Marty'sstilltotallyparanoid.Oh,and,uh-Ross:Why-whyareyouhere,Carol?Carol:I'mpregnant.Ross:Pregnant?!
[Scene:MonicaandRachel's,Chandler,Joey,Phoebe,andMonicaarewatchingThree'sCompany.]
Chandler:Oh,IthinkthisistheepisodeofThree'sCompanywherethere'ssomekindofmisunderstanding.
Phoebe:...ThenI'vealreadyseenthisone!(TurnsofftheTV.
Monica:(takingadrinkfromJoeyAreyouthroughwiththat?
Joey:Yeah,sorry,theswallowingslowedmedown.Monica:Whoselittleballofpaperisthis?!
Chandler:Oh,uh,thatwouldbemine.See,Iwroteanotetomyself,andthenIrealisedIdidn'tneedit,soIballeditupand...(seesthatMonicaisglaringathim...nowIwishIwasdead.(Monicastartstofluffapillow.
Phoebe:She'salreadyfluffedthatpillow...Monica,youknow,you'vealreadyfluffedthat-(Monicaglaresather.-but,it'sfine!
Monica:Look,I'msorry,guys,Ijustdon'twannagivethemanymoreammunitionthantheyalreadyhave.Chandler:Yes,andweallknowhowcruelaparentcanbeabouttheflatnessofachild'spillow.
Phoebe:Monica-Hi!Um,Monica,you'rescaringme.Imean,you'relike,you'relikeallchaoticandtwirly.Andnot-notinagoodway.
Joey:Yeah,calmdown.Youdon'tseeRossgettingallchaoticandtwirlyeverytimetheycome.
Monica:That'sbecauseasfarasmyparentsareconcerned,Rosscandonowrong.Y'see,he'sthePrince.ApparentlytheyhadsomebigceremonybeforeIwasborn.
Chandler:(lookingoutthewindowEw,ew,ew,ewewewewew!Monica:What?
Chandler:UglyNakedGuygotaThighmaster!All:Eeaagh!
(Rachelentersfromherroom.
Rachel:Hasanybodyseenmyengagementring?Phoebe:Yeah,it'sbeautiful.
Rachel:OhGod,ohGod,ohGodohGodohGodohGod....(Startstolookunderthecouchcushions.Phoebe:No,look,don'ttouchthat!
Rachel:Oh,likeIwasn'tdreadingtomorrowenough,havingtogiveitbacktohim...'HiBarry!Rememberme?

老友记(六人行)第一季剧本 省纸打印版 免费

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