余光中散文《尺素寸心》节选

发布时间：2022-12-10 11:34:09

余光中散文《尺素寸心》节选
AnExcerptfromLimitedWordsvs.BoundlessFriendshipByYuGuangzhongReplyingaletterdoesmakemeflinch;however,unrepliedlettersallowmenoreleaseatall.Dozensofunrepliedletterspileuponmybookshelf,likeasumofdebtwaitingtobepaid.Somehavebeenwaitingthereforoveroneyear,whilesomehavenewlyarrived.Thepressurefrompayingoffthatdebtisfarbeyondwhatajuniordebtorcanendure.Thestackofunrepliedlettersare,likeagroupofhauntingghosts,continuallypesteringmyguilt-loadedsoul.Conventionally,theletterswillcertainlybereplied.IcanevenswearbyheaventhatneverdoIhavetheintentionnottoreplywhenmymindisclear.Theproblemishowtoreply.EvenifIsparedmyselfawholesummernight,Iwouldbewaveringonwhichlettertoreplyfirst,the18-month-oldoneorthe7-month-old?ThereplyhasbeendelayedforsolongthatI’mafraidevenaheartfeltapologyhasalreadylostitspower.Infriends’heart,I’vebeenmarginalizedasacockymanunworthyofcare."Unaccountable"!Thatistheirunanimouscommentonme。Infact,eventhoughIpullmyselftogetherandsettledownatthedesk,readytopayoffthedebt,mydeterminationwilleasilybesplitupbydoubts.Oldandnewletters,repliedoryet-to-be,cramtheshelfandthedrawerindisorder,whichremindsmeoftwoverses:"He’ssimplyintheverymountain.Inthedepthsofclouds,hiswhereaboutsareunknown."(fromCallingonaHermitinVainbyJiaDao.PickingouttheletterIdecidetoreplyfromsuchamesswillcostmultipliedtimeandenergyasreplyingtheletterdoes.Moreover,onvisualizingthefacialexpressionoffriendswhentheyreceivethereply—reburnedlingeringangerratherthansurpriseddelight—mytinyamountofdeterminationdwindle

intonaught.Consequently,thedatewhenmydebtispaidoffextendsintoeternity.AlthoughIhaven’trepliedtheletters,Icanneverforgetmyfriends,anymorethanadebtorcanforgethiscreditor.Inthedepthofmydisturbedandapologeticheartloomstheindelibleangryandicylookofmyfriends.NevercanIforgetthem.Friendswhoreallyfallintooblivion,fromwhichguiltistotallyabsent,arethosewhohavereceivedmyreply。

余光中散文《尺素寸心》节选

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