搞笑英语话剧剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》

搞笑7人剧本《西门吹雪与叶孤城》

演员表：西门吹雪、叶孤城、花满楼、king、路人、上官雪儿

旁白

道具：牛奶两袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，纸屑若干。

第一幕：决战紫荆城之颠

旁白：Aquietvillageiscoveredwithwhitesnow.

Birdsaredancinginthecold.

Amaniswalkingalongthestreet,stepbystep.

Windiscominginsilence.

Anothermysteriousmanapproaches.

Y与X相遇．

X：oH,Iamsorrytoknockyou!

Y:,Nevermindbaby.

X:Excuseme，whoareyouonearthCouldyoutellmeyourname？

Y:,Iwon’tchangemyname!’mthemostfamous——？

X:Iamximenchuixue.

Y惊讶:Ar,ximenchuixuethebestMartialArts？

X:Great,youknowme!Todayisyourdeaddate!

Y抱腿：Please,please……Don’tkillme!Letmego!

X:No,Imustkillyou!

Y:Idon’!

X:Noway!Becausewearefightingnow!youknow？

Y突然站起冷冷的说：Don’tforceme!

X:Pardon!

(Y拿出一袋牛奶)

X抢过牛奶:milk,verygood!？

Y:pleasedrinkit!

X喝完牛奶:Thanks,

Y:Doyoustillwanttokillme？

X:Sure,must!Milkismilk.

Y(恼怒+冷酷):Verygood!verygood!Ihopeyouwillnotforgetwhatyousaid!？

X:I’msureIwon’t!

Y:Imustgiveyoualesson!IfIdon’tbeatyouthistime,you’llneverbehaveproperly!3-2-1!

X捂着肚子，蹲下（做痛苦状）：Oach,Oach!

Y大笑：HaHa……themilkisexceedthetimelimit

（一人路过，x起身跑过去）

X可怜状:excuseme!Help,help,Whereisthewashroomplease,tellme.

Y:Oh,Isee,goalongthisstreetandturnrightwhenyouseeacorssingroad!

X:Thanks,byebye.

Y:byebye(以胜利者的语气，转头,看见花满楼)

Y:Whoareyou？

H:Hua—man—-lou!Haveyouseenximenchuixue？

Y:Yes,hewasbeatenbymeandisin“WC”.

H惊讶:Nowyouarethebestintheworld!

Y:Youareright!

H:Teriffic!youaretheonemykinglookingfor!doyouwantjoininusIfyoufollowmyking,hewillgivewhatyouwant.

Y:Yes,It’sverygood.

H:Ok,followme,Let’sgotoseemyking!

第二幕：无间道

H:Mydearest!letmeintroduceyeguchengtoyou!（指Y）thisisyegucheng.

K:sitdownplese,yegucheng.

Y:excuseme,

King:yes,Iwill.

Y:That’？

K:!Hahaha……

Y:ofcourse.

美女出场

M:hello，帅锅..

K:,nowlet’shavearitual.

H走到Y前，《婚礼进行曲》起，H神甫状:Yegucheng!Doyouwanttofollowmykingnomatterwhathappenssuchascoldheadache,poor,rich？

Y:Yes,Ido.

K:Huamanlou,!（音乐停）

X唱着上:(看到戒指)thisringshouldbemine!

K:Butwhoareyouwhyshoulditbelongtoyou？

Y急切:king!Dearking!Imustgonow,mybrotherislookingforme.

X冷酷:yegucheng!Comehere!Iwanttotellyousomething!

Y抱X的腿:oldbrother!Forgiveme!

X:ForgiveyouWhy？

Y:Oncetherewasachancebeforeme,,I’lltellyou“Iloveyou”,Iftheremustbealimitedperiod,Ihopeitisthousandyear!

X:Youshallcheatme!allyoudidarewrong!howcanyoutellmethelady’s“WC”!

Y:Ilikegoinglady’……I……IthinkthatyoulikewhatIlike.(Ｙ又拿出一袋牛奶)

X:milkIloveyou.

K:Don’tsaythat“youloveme”.I’llkillyouforyousayingdirtywordtome!

X:What(侧耳装着听不到)You—kill—-mecome,come…(Ｘ上去抓住K)

K:!

X:Howcanyoukillmehaha……

Y:Letmehaveatry!3-2-1(X捂着肚子，蹲下)

M:oh,whathappened（看着X，做惊吓状）areyouok（跑到西门吹雪身边）

Y:doyouwanttogotowc？

X:Yes,I……I……do.

Y:haha,themilkwasadded三聚氰胺beyondstandards.

M:you,stupid,badbehavior!goaway!

K;whywhydoyouhelphim!whoactuallyareyou？

M:actually,I’maspysendedbyLuXiaofeng,andIfellinlovewithximenchuixue.

K惊讶:!you—you—YouareX’lover？

Y:doyouknow,youarethefirstpersonwhocheatedme!Ihateyou.(轻声说)letmetellyou,Ｘwilldie.

M扑倒在Ｘ的身边：Ｘ,do’tdie,youshouldbealive,therearemuchhopeinthefutureandtomorrowisagoodbeginning!

K:whatamovingstory!Iwasimpressed!

Y:lifeisaprogress,butitisdepressedthatitcannotresume!

M:lifeisaprogress,anditisdelightthatitneedn’tresume!

(M忽然将一把匕首插进Y的心脏，Ｋ吓跑.音乐《再见，警察》起)

Y痛苦状:Ineveranticipateyoutreatmebythis,whytellmewhy(Y死，音乐停)

（X咳，H扑到身边，电影《我的父亲母亲》原声音乐起）

M:X,oh,no,youcan’tdie,wewillgohometogether.

X:gohome!？

M:Tomorrowisanotherday!evenyouhavethelastsecondtolive,youshouldbealive,notonlyforme,butforourlove.

X:promiseme,you’llgetonwell,andyou’llneverletgo.

（X死）,

M:bealive!yeah,bealive!bealivewithoutahendance!

搞笑英语话剧剧本